My favourite observation in David Lange's memoir was that he was always mindful waiting to go on TV that he could be only half a dozen wrong words away from imploding his political career.
Those were the days. Everyone watched TV. Everyone watched the Prime Minister when he came on TV, what was said really seemed to matter, and no one asked anything even half as puerile as: Which one of these wouldja shag, marry or kill, mate?
Only half a dozen wrong words away. Hard to imagine a thought even half as contemplative as that ever crossing the mind of our current guy.
His attitude to his every pronouncement, no matter how feeble, incomprehensible or risible, is: If you don't get what I'm saying then that's a you problem, sunshine.
Only half a dozen wrong words away. What's shielding him from immolation are at least three things:
- Politics has become so tribal that no matter how wince-making your guy might be, you don't concede anything. Or you whatabout the other side. So it's almost impossible to hit a fault in today's political tennis.
- The National Party is as fearful as a beaten dog of the revolving door of leadership.
- The press gallery seems to collectively lack anything resembling a clue.
So what follows is probably moot, but let's pretend anyway that a better answer would serve everyone's interests better. Herewith: A short list of better answers the Prime Minister Might Want To Consider Using.
You've announced you're extending paid parental leave.
They say: But you blocked an extension to paid parental leave in 2016. Old mate, aren't you full of it?
What is the best answer?
The admirably frank one would be:
Well, you've got us there, TBH. That's just the way we always do things. We're really slow learners and we generally arrive at the party about a decade after everyone else. Apartheid, nuclear free, women's rights, you name it.
The workable one would be:
Look, we had our concerns then but we've moved on, as we should, and now let me try to shift the attention back to the strengths of the new policy.
What you would only say if you're happy to make yourself sound like a hapless empty vessel in middle management, trying to get promoted would be:
I'm sorry, I only came to politics in 2020 ... I don't know what happened in the past.
Oh bless! That's the one you went with!
Not to worry, please see points 1, 2 and 3 above.
They say to you:
Hey old mate, get a load of the polling for The Opportunities Party. Would you work with them?
What is the best answer?
A good one might be:
Look, we've had nearly forty years now of MMP and look at you hopeless bastards, you're still trying to mash the parties into one side or the other so you can First-Past-the-Post it into your sports commentary. Stop listening to Barry, for the love of God.
You could also try:
First we run the campaign, then we see who we've got. You should know the drill by now, guys.
If you want to be disarmingly candid you could even say:
You saw how it went last time didn't you? I will be way too busy bending over all the way backwards, even further than the Incredible Rubber Man, to have time to say "no" to anybody.
But what you really don't want to do is blanch and gargle and say they sound like commies to you and then run away.
Because Kieran McAnulty, who is surely the spiritual heir to David Lange in witticism and shrewd human assessment, will tell the media with a wry smile:
I think he did it by accident, and then he got flustered, and then he ran away.
A couple of words about my new home. I've belatedly realised that I've been telling you about the various things inside it, but I haven't actually told you how to go to the front page and see it all for yourself.
Please click here to the DavidSlack site.
This is where you start the exploration. A whole lot to see but no Nazis, no White Supremacists and no Andrew Tate. Substack just got a bit too disapointing for me. And when I began the move to Ghost I realised I could add a whole bunch of features on top of the newsletter, so here we are.
And of course there's a daily quiz. Do feel free to score the 10/10 that eludes most players.
