Scene 1
Money, so much money.
In it pours; like a firehose, like a concrete pour, like a sewage truck dump: into the very many troughs where lies can be unloaded and fear-mongering can be trowelled on thick as you like.
We pride ourselves that our democracy is One Person, One Vote. And yet in an age of billionaires who know best and insist on having everything going their way, it's looking rather more like One Dollar, One Vote.
Scene 2
A light year of buzzwords.
Our Prime Minister of the past three years, Christopher, a visitor from headquarters in Chicago, never stops gargling the management bullshit. The buzzwords stretch to infinity and beyond but one really clanged for me this campaign.
He said he’d had a coaching conversation with the NZTA boss about why one of National's beloved Roads of National Significance would be taking five years and a couple of billion to build when it was jus a bog-standard job (but also somehow a road of national significance).
The condescension in this rises off it like steam off a morning cow pat. We've all had this boss, the one who acts like they have some superior wisdom and insight to offer when all they're really offering are the simplistic expectations of the clue-deficient. You quietly grind your teeth and wait for him to finish so he can float off to teach some other poor bastard how to suck eggs.
It reminded me of an anecdote offered some time ago by reader JB who can spot a phoney six airports away.
Heard a new story yesterday from a retired 777 pilot - Luxon's deadheading in the cockpit and, as they're taxi-ing out, says to the copilot with a gesture to a low-cost competitor's aircraft "Tell me why I should pay you more than those guys?". Captain brakes, turns around and says "This stops RIGHT NOW. This is industrial harassment. Another word and we're returning to the gate.”
Scene 3
Luxon goes for a car ride with Anna Thomas.
He tells her his favourite Dolly Parton song is by far 9 to 5. It's the song that I sent my daughter on her first day of work. I also went to Amazon, I bought a 9 to 5 cup and a 9 to 5 apron.
Oh really? Old mate, have you listened to the words of the song at all?? Because it's a pretty excellent denunciation of various executive and capitalist tenets you appear to hold most dear.
9 to 5, what a way to make a living isn’t about loving your job. It’s about resenting getting royally fucked over. The workers aren’t valued for their work. They’re used by the boss to get ahead and never given credit. Their effort goes into the pocket of someone higher up, the whole set-up is a game run by and for the rich, and they dream of getting out.
It's a song written for a film inspired by a movement of underpaid women office workers. But you just bob your clueless grinning head to the tune and sing along and give it to your daughter on her first day at work with a matching mug and apron. All you seem to have in that bobbing empty head is: Working in an office is awesome!!!
And meanwhile your government shuts down 33 pay equity claims without hearing from a single woman affected.
The impression that only deepens with each passing day is: THIS IS A MAN WHO'S JUST NOT LISTENING.
Intermission
Jeez, you might well end up thinking, Christopher, a visitor from headquarters in Chicago, doesn’t make much of a prime minister. If you do you’re in good company. His own caucus said the same thing at least twice. But then they couldn’t decide which one to replace him with: the yellow jelly-bean, the black jelly-bean or the green one. So they stuck with the guy who's more or less guaranteed to take them on a header into the compost.
Scene 4
Janet Wilson provided the best line of the election
When we have the deputy leader dismissing a poll as being a rogue poll, and then to have the prime minister do the exact opposite, and shine a light on it and talking about dire consequences, I think the Jesus nut is falling off the campaign.
The Jesus nut! Excellent! If I had heard it before I'd forgotten it. The Jesus nut is what holds the main rotor to the mast of some helicopters. It's what's not holding the natural party of government in one piece.
I've had to look away for a lot of it but I still think I've seen all the scenery I can take
What's going to happen this Saturday? It seems clear the vote for the two biggest parties will be as small as it's been in a very long time. Also, a lot of people may only be making up their minds when they pick up their pen to tick something.
You could call it all a bit confusing. But it's not really.
If you want to change things a lot for the better, vote Green.
If you want to change things for the better but don't want to scare the horses, vote Labour.
If you want things to change and you're comfortable with a wild stab, vote Opportunity.
If you want things to not change for the better at all and also in many very important ways get much worse, vote for three more years of Christopher, the visitor from headquarters in Chicago.
He doesn't know how to listen, he'll agree to whatever ACT and NZ First demand of him, and god help us, he probably won't have Bishop or Willis, just Simeon Brown calling the shots.
But I really hope it doesn't come to that.
Something new: there’s more in the comments
From today I’m going to start putting some extra bits in the comments section on the website rather than putting everything into the email. Today that will be:
- the best thing anyone’s written about this election’s woeful gangs bullshit
- a tip for making election night more enjoyable
- how to game out every conceivable overhang scenario
Just click this button
It’ll open this post on davidslack.net and take you straight down to the comments section.
If you’re already signed in on that device, you’re there. If not, it’ll ask for your email and send you a sign-in link. That’s a one-off, and after that it remembers you.
While you’re there, feel free to add your own two cents. Some of the best stuff I’ve ever published has come from you guys x
