Number 1
This, believe it or not, was the mascot they used to implore us to give National a second term. Stick to the plan, they said. The job's only half done, they said.
This invites the inevitable retorts:
What plan??? There was a plan??? Are you kidding me?
What job??? You were doing a job??? Are you kidding me?
The plan in reality was simply,
cut cut cut, because that's all we know,
cancel, cancel, cancel because we're full of petty spite,
and wait for someone to invent something to magic us into money.
And of course tax cuts and roads.
Number 2
This, believe it or not, is our Prime Minister. You just knew he would be one of those spoons who uses their phone like a serving platter.
Number 3
How bad was he at the job? How woefully dire? They had to get Lord ANZ of Parnell to come down to the school playground and do his scrap for him.
Number 4
They even got his good lady wife to say a few words.
Dear oh dear oh dear. Loyalty is always admirable but can't love just be as blind as a bat?
One of the top CEOs in the world. OMG LOL. Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off While Still Managing To Type. This puts me chiefly in mind of that line Ringo was not even the best drummer in the Beatles.
I would ask of Mrs Luxon what I have been asking of anyone who avers the country is near broke: Do you know even the most basic numbers of our economy? Our GDP? Our debt to GDP? Our assets? Our enormous potential? Yep thought so. Here. Have a few. Clue yourself.
One of the top CEOs in the world.OMG LOL.
Number 5
Cometh the hour cometh the TV drama with the reclusive religious cult led by a creepy old dude. Remind me again, who's this one?
As of tomorrow, he's sure to be an MP once more, and they'll surely appreciate the intellectual heft their caucus has been so sorely in want of this term.
But you can't say they haven't made their mark, by golly. They've got to be the most transactional party that has ever pounded the donations cash register on each piece of legislation going through. The nadir was the undoing of our ground-breaking smoke free legislation, but God Almighty all of it has been such a tawdry spectacle.
On the radio yesterday Guyon Espiner asked: Nash, Jones, Laws. Does NZ First have a problem with women? Er, no, they have a problem with men.
Number 6
No really, this is how they characterise three years of indulging ACT's scarcely concealed white supremacism and NZ First's rabbit-holing and colossal economic ineptitude, fuelled by the erroneous notion that austerity can work in conditions where austerity was NEVER GOING TO WORK.
Number 7
Which brings us to the one certainty in a night of mostly unknowable outcomes. EXIT NICOLA WILLIS, PURSUED BY A BARE SHEEP.
I've been trying to write that it will be a bit sad to see her go, but my spell checker keeps changing it to OMG LOL. Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off While Still Managing To Type.
Good luck to us all tomorrow.
