Nurse
A Nurse is someone who works in a hospital.
When you see a nurse you say,
Thank you so much for the hard work you do,
we are so grateful.
You nurses are the best,
everyone should be as good as nurses.
When a nurse says,
I see you rang the bell again,
do you need more Tramadol
and maybe a fistful of Severedol?
you say,
Bless you nurse.
When a nurse says,
Can we please have a little bit more pay than this?
you say,
Thank you so much for the hard work you do
we are so grateful
but nah.
When a nurse who lives in another country says,
I see you are short of nurses.
Would it help if I came and helped
and you made me a permanent resident?
you say,
Thank you so much for the hard work you do
but nah
that deal is only for doctors
and engineers
and high net worth individuals who might buy some property
Intergenerational Equity
Intergenerational Equity is like when you get pizza
and Dad says,
Caleb you get to cut up the pizza
and Ciara you get to pick the first piece.
But sometimes Intergenerational Equity can go wrong.
If Dad has necked a lot of IPA
and gives Caleb the knife
and then lets him pick the first piece too,
that would be like Intergenerational Equity going wrong.
It can also go wrong when all the grownups keep paying each other
more and more for their houses,
and they decide to buy more houses,
and they say to the bank,
How much money can I borrow please
and the bank says,
Whatever you like my dude,
how much do you need,
here have a big fistful of Severedol
Then the houses end up costing way more than they ever did before.
If you knew to be born before 1990
and bought lots of houses,
it might make you feel very good.
But you might not feel so good if you are a nurse
or a young person
or your Dad doesn't have
tens of millions of dollars
from shorting the NZD.
If you are that kind of person,
you might look at the price of a house and say,
This sucks,
who cut up this pizza.
Max Equity
Max Equity is like Intergenerational Equity,
except that your Dad was cutting the pizza
and let you pick first,
and so now you are a property developer business person
who can go to a business person lunch
and pretend to be worried about future generations owing money.
But really all you want to do is drag the commie Prime Minister chick.
It is a bit like when you and your bois are out in the car
and you see someone on a bike
and you stick your head out
and you shout,
real men ride women.
Supermarket
A Supermarket is a place to find out how much people think they can get you to pay for things.
If you say to the supermarket,
When I lived in Away,
the prices were not nearly as gruesome as this,
the supermarket will say to you,
That’s the absolute best we can do sorry
thank you for shopping at New World.
Costco
A Costco is a place where the price of things is like they were when you lived in Away.
It can be a big help if a Costco opens next to a supermarket.
The supermarket will say to you,
Did we say that’s the absolute best we can do?
Sorry LOL we mean this price is the absolute best we can do,
please keep shopping with us dear old friend.
Intensification
An Intensification is a thing you can try to use
to fix an Intergenerational Equity problem.
People who already have a big slice of pizza
think that intensification means
putting pineapple on all the pizzas.
Sometimes it does.
But it doesn't have to mean that.
Sometimes it just means there will be more kinds of pizza
and some of them will be a metre long.
If you have ever had a metre-long pizza from Toto,
you might wonder why anyone would ever be upset about that.
CEO
A CEO is someone who thinks up what to do at work
and then makes sure everyone does it.
Some CEOs are like Dumbledore in Harry Potter.
Sometimes they are like Voldemort.
You can tell if they are like Voldemort
because when they pull out their wand
they use words like fluff and cleavage.
Not every CEO is like Dumbledore or Voldemort.
Some CEOs can't even move themselves across a street without getting a driver to do it!
But they will still say,
I am a CEO
to make people think they have magical powers.
You might think that no-one would believe that.
But you would be surprised.
Face Nappy
Face Nappy is a name some people have for masks.
When they say I don't wear a face nappy,
they want you to know they are not a baby
and can think for themselves.
They also want you to know that
if you are wearing a mask
they think you are a baby
and cannot think for yourself.
It is funny really,
because if they were to put a mask over their mouth
while they were talking,
it would actually be doing
the same job a nappy does.
