1. Which of the following was said today by the Prime Minister?
a. I don't think there's a single New Zealander that could do a better job than Nicola Willis
b. I don't think there's a single New Zealander that couldn’t do better
c. We’re currently trying out a room full of monkeys with calculators
d. Is anyone on this flight an economist?
2. What is the correct caption for this image?
a. Dog tucker
b. Current NZ Prime Minister, left, with Finance Minister
c. You don’t get much for your $1,500 at a National party dinner these days
d. Any of the above
3. By Sir Brian Roche’s reasoning, what’s an acceptable time for teachers to strike?
a. Sunday, when everyone’s at the mall
b. Friday night, when everyone’s drinking
c. Midnight to dawn, long as you don’t make any noise
d. Just don’t, it’s all so last-century
4. How did David Seymour respond to Keisha Castle-Hughes raising valid concerns about our citizenship rules?
a. I was sorry to hear that
b. It’s obviously not fair, we need to see what can be done
c. Immigration rules are tricky, let me walk you through the issues
d. Stick to whale riding
5. What do you call someone who uses seemingly logical reasoning to arrive at a false conclusion, with the intent to deceive or persuade?
a. Sophist
b. Thoroughgoing asshole
c. Seymour
d. Any of the above
6. For what did Sam Stubbs of Simplicity get media attention this week?
a. Running one of our best KiwiSaver funds
b. Being urged to bring his smarts and social conscience into politics
c. Standing next to Camilla in a hat that made him look like a standard lamp
d. An opinionator in the LinkedINsurgency tried to get him cancelled
7. On what basis is the Trump administration blowing ships out of the water?
a. They look like drug runners
b. They’re asking for it
c. This is just like the movies, we’re so badass
d. The law is whatever we say it is
8. What did activists project onto a tower of Windsor Castle?
a. Mary Poppins, starring Dick van Dyke
b. All The Presidents Men, starring Robert Redford
c. Austin Powers, starring Dr Evil
d. Two Criminally-Minded Lechers Preying on Young Women, starring Jeffrey Epstein and his great pal Donald Trump
9. What is the correct caption for this image?
a. For the last time: he’s the little tinpot, I’m a standard lamp
b. Porn can take the Queen in one move
c. Will your daughter in law be joining us? Do you have a pool?
d. The Aristocrats
10. Which Robert Redford movie featured the song Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head?
a. Purple Rain
b. The Color of Money
c. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
d. Thelma and Louise
Answers
1. Which of the following was said today by the Prime Minister?
a. I don't think there's a single New Zealander that could do a better job than Nicola Willis
He also howlingly continued: Nicola Willis is the best finance minister New Zealand's ever going to have, she's an outstanding person, she's an outstanding person, she's an outstanding finance minister, economic growth minister, she's doing an exceptionally good job in a very tough situation.
We’ve all met this guy, haven’t we? The sales dude who will not quit, who goes straight to the top shelf, who has so faithfully and eagerly consumed the company’s dog food, he thinks it’s filet mignon. Three days later you’ve still got his cologne from the handshake.
2. What is the correct caption for this image?
d. Any of the above
3. By Sir Brian Roche’s reasoning, what’s an acceptable time for teachers to strike?
Give yourself a 10% pay rise for whichever answer you chose, and hope that we’ll one day emerge from the neoliberal swamp to recognise once more the importance of fair pay and bargaining.
4. How did David Seymour respond to Keisha Castle-Hughes raising valid concerns about our citizenship rules?
d. Stick to whale riding
I really dislike that sort of political elbowing: You're not qualified to speak.
Tell me, is this a democracy? It is? Well, then, she is fully and wholly entitled to speak, you dick.
Also: as far as I can tell, consultancy boy, you've never run a business, never done much of anything outside of Think Tanks, you know sweet fuck-all about getting your hands dirty. And yet we see you getting into everyone else’s lane all day long. Pretty rich, wouldn’t you say?
5. What do you call someone who uses seemingly logical reasoning to arrive at a false conclusion, with the intent to deceive or persuade?
d. Any of the above
6. For what did Sam Stubbs of Simplicity get media attention this week?
d. An opinionator in the LinkedINsurgency tried to get him cancelled
I am a very satisfied Simplicity investor. I am every bit as satisfied a Simplicity investor having seen Sam Stubbs avail himself of his democratic right to express a personal opinion about the harmful views in which Charlie Kirk so cynically trafficked. A low-talent opinionator named Ashley Church whose low-wattage reckons about preserving the property-speculating climate-denying reactionary Kiwi way of life can be heard on various local brain-dead platforms tried to do a JD Vance on him. FFS. Jog on, loser.
7. On what basis is the Trump administration blowing ships out of the water?
All of the above, because these people know they have a brownshirt constituency that will cheer them on. But if there’s any justice, these people will one day face it.
8. What did activists project onto a tower of Windsor Castle?
d. Two Criminally-Minded Lechers Preying on Young Women, starring Jeffrey Epstein and his great pal Donald Trump
9. What is the correct caption for this image?
d. The Aristocrats
10. Which Robert Redford movie featured the song Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head?
c. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
