1. Which of these are correct according to the Shane Jones Truth Meter?
a. The moon is not made of cheese
b. But you can make cheese out of moon rocks
c. Only a woke greenie would oppose moon mining
d. Shane Jones is 8th in line to the throne
e. Winston Peters is 98% helium
f. If you rub a leprechaun on his head, porn starts playing on your hotel room TV
g. Shane Jones is 98% panto
2. What’s the easiest way to meet the government’s target of stretching every tank by up to 20 percent?
a. Downsize your Raptor to a Honda Jazz
b. Hold your breath at every red light
c. Merge like a stuck zip
d. Drive at 30kmh instead of the speed Simeon put it back up to last year
3. Looking at their response so far to the fuel crisis, how do you reckon the government would have handled COVID?
a. Try and persuade everyone not to give it to each other and keep every business open
b. Blink like possum at headlights
c. Keep sending officials away to find a cheaper solution
d. Shrug shoulders when people start dying and say sorry but we’re too busy fixing the mess we inherited from Labour
4. What interesting information emerged in the course of Julian Batchelor’s defamation suit against TVNZ?
a. Batchelor took long Zoom calls with Shane Jones and his leprechaun
b. Batchelor tried to float a TV reality show called NZ’s Most Eligible Racist
c. NZME share- and mic-holder Jim Grenon funded his legal bills
d. Damien Grant mounted hunger strike in support but caved at morning tea
5. What is once again open in Wellington?
a. The 1860 on Lambton Quay
b. The Casablanca steak house on Willis St
c. The public library
d. The Prime Minister’s mind
6. What might you get if you leave your camera in a New Zealand river all night?
a. Giardia
b. Footrot
c. Tasty fat eels
d. Incredible footage
7. Who are these people and what are they doing?
a. Select Committee Inquiring Into Preposterous Bullshit Uttered by Shane Jones
b. Royal Commission Inquiring Into Strings Attached to David Seymour Belonging to Atlas
c. Faceless bureaucrats who decide who gets any petrol
d. The board tasked with finding us two new ferries
8. True or false? Sperm whales will work together to assist a mother in a birth
9. True or false? This coalition is working together to assist us all through these difficult... God who are we kidding we know how this goes. Next question.
10. George Ivan Morrison was born in Belfast in 1945 and grew up to become what?
a. Manchester United striker
b. IRA hunger striker
c. Famous musician
d. Famous mortician
Answers
1. Which of these are correct according to the Shane Jones Truth Meter?
All of them, every last one. These days the guy is just merrily thudding barefoot across the sands of the Post-Truth wasteland, asserting that Megan/Jacinda/Labour closed the refinery. This is, to be clear, Complete Whole Cloth Fully and Completely Disproved and Rebutted Bullshit.
Possibly more of this on Sunday because in this Post-Truth NewstalkZB-Spouting world it really does seem to have become necessary to fire back tenfold any contradiction you wish the Drunk Uncle Kevins to comprehend.
2. What’s the easiest way to meet the government’s target of stretching every tank by up to 20 percent?
d. Drive at 30kmh instead of the speed Simeon put it back up to last year.
The government’s Energy Efficiency & Conservation Authority will be running ads on how to cut down on fuel use. The ads are based on the idea of stretching every tank by up to 20 percent, according to Nicola Willis.
Also a better idea: bike, bus, train, walk, if any of those might work for you.
3. Looking at their response so far to the fuel crisis, how do you reckon the government would have handled COVID?
All of the above. Give yourself a $3.33 litre of 91 for whatever you answered.
4. What interesting information emerged in the course of Julian Batchelor’s defamation suit against NZME?
c. NZME share- and mic-holder Jim Grenon funded his legal bills
Really really don’t like how much sway the very rich have been taking in our organs of democracy. Very much like to see that a higher power is still able to push back and say: No, this bias you claim to see is bogus and, while we’re at it, here’s a copy of the rules of our democracy; maybe you might like to stop railing and chest-beating for a moment and make yourself better informed.
5. What is once again open in Wellington?
c. The public library. Read all about it here from Wellington’s wonderful Linda Burgess.
6. What might you get if you leave your camera in a New Zealand river all night?
d. Pretty amazing footage, as seen here
7. Who are these people and what are they doing?
d. The board of Ferry Holdings tasked with getting us a sweet deal on two new ferries, trust it’s all going well, team
8. True or false: sperm whales will work together to assist a mother in a birth
The relevant paper is here
Footage of a wild sperm whale giving birth off the coast of Dominica in 2023 shows the animals work together to help safely bring a newborn into their unit, according to international researchers.
The researchers observed the birth, from a mother who was part of a group of 11 sperm whales. They say the delivery phase of the birth lasted 33 minutes, and when the newborn was delivered, the other whales lifted it out of the water onto their backs, staying with the mother and calf for two hours before leaving them together.
9. True or false: this coalition is working together to assist us all through these difficult... who am I kidding you know how this goes. Give yourself another $3.33 litre of 91.
10. George Ivan Morrison was born in Belfast in 1945 and grew up to become what?
c. Famous musician. Jimmy Fallon’s Van Morrison impression on Saturday Night Live is timeless. Here’s a fresh serving.
