September 1939, Wellington
Prime Minister Michael Joseph Luxon said the government remains committed to a when, not if approach in terms of declaring war on Germany.
“We give big ups to Britain.
Where she goes, we go nice one bro.
Where she stands, we say thoughts and prayers, thinking of you, buddy.”
September 1945, Washington
Prime Minister Peter Luxon has advocated strongly for powers of veto for permanent members of the United Nations Security Council. “They’re the big guns,” he said, “and they should get to call the shots. People from all kinds of smaller states have been pulling me aside and saying look here can you speak unofficially for the little guys like us? I tell them all the same thing: “Fight your own battles son, I’m off to run with the big dogs.”
September 1973, Wellington
Prime Minister Norman Luxon has confirmed the government will not be sending any NZ navy vessel, let alone a frigate, into a fricking nuclear testing zone. “You’d have to have rocks in your head. I can’t believe all these people who are telling me we should go non-aligned. We’re all the way with Tricky Dicky. Watergate does not bother me, does your conscience bother you?”
September 2003, Wellington
Prime Minister Helen Luxon has declined to criticise the Invasion of Iraq. “My government is not opposed to New Zealand military action. This is a war on terror and if people want to play with weapons of mass destruction, they should expect to get hurt.”
September 2025, Wellington
The Prime Minister Chris Luxon has confirmed he has a laser and is not afraid to use it. “I have a laser and I’m not afraid to use it. Here is a picture of me being laser-focused on more than a thousand innocent kiddies dying each day in Palestine.”
