Who was on Morning Report this morning telling the National Party to get out their mirrors?
a. Sir John Key
b. Count Dracula
c. Governor Grey
d. Dorian Gray
When Sir John Key is on the radio, how many syllables go missing per minute?
a. 69
b. Heaps bro
c. 42
d. Hunnerdinthirrytoo
When Sir John Key says âget a mirrorâ he is referring to
a. All of the National Party
b. Just Michael Woodhouse
c. Michael Woodhouse and anyone in the National Party who thinks Michael Woodhouse is all good bro
The nadir of the Jacinda 1.00pm tyrannies was
a. Putting poor old Simon in the stocks
b. Holding up that toilet seat with a photo of Michael Woodhouse on it
c. Leaking Michelle Boagâs eyebrow pathologistâs report
d. Telling us we were all going to die if we didnât vote two ticks Labour
The high point of the Jacinda 1.00pm Televangelical Choirs was
a. Dave Dobbyn coming in to do Loyal in jandals with a buzzy bee around his neck
b. Throwing out chocolate fish and saying you get a treat and you get a treat and you get a treat and not you Tova
c. The Edmund Hillary hologram where he sang Loyal
d. The Kool-Aid
Wellington is
a. Bending under its own weight
b. Being badmouthed for clicks
c. A great indoor life
d. Just alright by me
Which item of personal pleasure would you associate with Steven Joyce?
a. Chocolate fish
b. Chocolate dildo
c. Country Calendar
d. Mitre 10 sausage
Which line is Sweden and which one is New Zealand?
The answer is: the top line (living with all the stringency) is Sweden. Where would you rather be right now?
a. Sweden
b. New Zealand
c. Samoa
Retail sales post-lockdown in NZ have been
a. Booming
b. Tepid
c. Sweden-like
What does a Covid test measure?
a. The temperature in Sweden
b. The temperature inside the head of all the Plan B mansplainers
c. The worldâs incapacity to wear a mask
What is studied by an epidemiologist in 2020?
a. Errors in mask wearing
b. Errors in mansplaining
c. Errors in the writings of Matthew Hooton and Simon Thornley
Who are these two people?
a. Charles and Diana
b. Rudy Giuliani and someone even more batshit crazy
c. Characters in Lord of the Rings? I never watched it sorry do I still get to be a New Zealander?
Which of these couples is Philip and Elizabeth, and which of them liked Margaret Thatcher less?
Which of these two batshit crazy people said on behalf of the President of the United States that the deceased Hugo ChĂĄvez, among others, was responsible for rigging the election?
a. Rudy
b. The one who isnât Rudy
Can you believe this Trump shitshow?
a. Nothing can surprise me
b. I expected more from Ivanka
c. I went to school with Ivanka, I expected exactly this
Which of these people has been to Paradise but never been to me?
a. John Key
b. Michael Woodhouse
c. David Seymour
d. All of the above
Which of these people has been been undressed by kings and seen some things
that a woman ain't s'posed to see
a. Sir John Banks
b. Sir John Key
c. Sir Duncan Garner
d. Kim Dotcom
Who appeared to "like" a photo of scantily-clad Brazilian model Natalia Garibotto on Instagram?
a. Sir John Key
b. Pope Francis
c. Sir John Key with a mirror
d. Michael Woodhouse
What big changes have the National party made since their disastrous election result?
a. Made the logo bigger
b. Dumped the leader
c. Dumped the president
d. Shot the deputy
What are Sir John Keyâs two middle names?
a. Look Actually
b. Business Class
c. Wasnât Me
What can stop the Duke of Earl?
a. Prime Minister Sir John Key
b. ANZ Chairman Sir John Key
c. Nothing
Who did absolutely nothing to stop runaway house prices?
a. Prime Minister Sir John Key
b. ANZ Chairman Sir John Key
c. The Duke of Earl
What does this graph from The Conversation do?
a. Make you cry
b. Make you kick yourself
c. Make you think should have another go in three years, it's only a matter of time
What is the correct title for this pie chart
a. What songs are about
b. What teenagers think
c. What to put in clickbait
The housing crisis can be fixed
a. True
b. False
c. Did not complete
What can fix the housing crisis?
a. Plan B
b. The tyrannical televangelical government
c. The Duke of Earl
d. Nothing
Your score:
a. 9/11
b. Fahrenheit 11/9
c. 99 luftballons
Great work. Try for 110 per cent tomorrow
