Shane Jones announced today he would be contracting out his thinking to a smarter younger person.
Reclining on his chaise longue with a mouth full of oysters and Kina he told reporters:
Clearly I have become a has-been, a palimpsest, an epigone, a bloviating fossil. I find myself saying such things as: climate groupies have hijacked the banks, imposing their luxury beliefs on farmers and miners.
This is quite wrong and bad, clearly. Across the world, informed opinion is unequivocal: a climate crisis ignored will be a climate crisis very much grown and barely controllable.
It is utterly self-serving and specious to misrepresent the position as I have been doing with my puckish wit, or as the Tamaraki are calling it, Uncle Shane’s bullshit.
David Seymour tearfully confided today that he feared his whole political career had been a terrible terrible error. Between pained wracking sobs he told reporters:
