The red light is about to go on at the radio station!
Heather works at the radio station.
Heather gets paid for talking when the red light goes on.
What will Heather talk about today?
Maybe it will be something about the government being useless.
The listeners like to hear about the government being useless.
Maybe it will be about crime being out of control.
The listeners like to hear about crime being out of control because of the useless government.
Maybe it will be about silly teenagers having silly climate strikes and probably being put up to it.
The listeners like to hear things about silly useless out of control teenagers.
Heather says,
Today weāre going to talk about the useless government
and crime getting out of control
and teenagers having silly climate strikes.
Back after this.
It is advertising time.
When the red light goes off it is advertising time.
It is a chance to think about good questions to ask,
if you want to.
But only if you can be bothered.
Heather is looking at funny Tik Toks.
Heather is also jiggling her biro.
When Heather jiggles her biro it is because she is excited about a Gotcha.
A gotcha is when you find something out and pretend like you haven't
and then you suddenly say,
Oh by the way what about this, minister?
And if the minister looks like he wants to have a vom on your desk
but has a big gulp instead
you say to yourself in a very loud voice but not out loud,
GOTCHA MINISTER HIGH FIVE HEATHER U STILL GOT IT GIRLFRIEND
Heather has found a Gotcha in someoneās Instagram.
The Instagram belongs to Izzy.
Izzy goes to school.
Izzy is also a spokesperson for the climate strike when she is not doing homework and extracurricular stuff.
Heather has found a photo of Izzy on holiday with her family.
It is making her biro jiggle.
The red light is on!
Heather is talking to Izzy!
Heather is asking Izzy about the climate strike.
They are talking about cows.
Cows and science are borrrrrring.
Heather is asking questions about cows but she is also looking at Tik Tok.
Now it is time to ask the Gotcha!
Look at Heatherās biro!
Heather asks Izzy if people shouldn't fly so much.
Izzy thinks they shouldnāt.
Heather asks Izzy if people should fly to Fiji on holiday.
Izzy thinks they probably shouldnāt.
Heather asks Izzy,
When was the last time you were on a plane?
Izzy says it was a few months ago.
Heather asks Izzy where she went.
Izzy says Fiji.
Heather says hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha at Izzy.
Poor Izzy.
Heather asks Izzy if she is serious and keeps going hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Izzy tells Heather that she didn't actually want to go but she went with her parents anyway.
Is Heather thinking what it might be like if you were at school and a grownup did this to you?
Heather is not.
Heather is going hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha in her head, and also,
GOTCHA SILLY KID HIGH FIVE HEATHER U STILL GOT IT GIRLFRIEND
The red light is still on.
Will Heather ask Izzy something else about the climate catastrophe?
Will Heather ask Izzy about the changes we could be making while there is still time?
Heather will not.
Heather knows that the listeners don't like people who talk about the climate crisis.
Heather knows that if someone says,
Here is the terrible problem but also good news, here is the solution,
the listeners don't want to hear the solution.
Heather knows that the listeners want her to find a gotcha,
rub it in the personās face
and say,
Hypocrite you're disqualified.
It is funny that Heather and the listeners keep doing this.
If someone said to you,
I can see a fire burning in the corner of the building,
we should all get out while we can,
you would probably say thank you as you were getting out of your seat and starting to run.
But if someone comes on the radio and says that about the planet,
people like Heather and the listeners do not say thank you,
and start running.
They say,
Hypocrite, elitist, who put you up to this, who paid you off, you're disqualified, Gotcha, fuck you I'm staying right where I am.
Heather doesn't ask Izzy about any of this.
She is still going hahahahahahahaha in her head.
The red light is off!
It is nearly time to go home!
But first Heather has to write a column for the newspaper!
What a nuisance!
She won't be able to leave for another seven minutes!
Heather says to herself,
What do they want to hear, Heather?
Heather sits down and looks at the screen and starts writing words.
Taking cars off roads is not practical.
It might work for some white collar desk-based workers but it's not going to work for plumbers, courier drivers and fitness instructors.
It's not going to work for teachers, doctors and police officers, it's not going to work for cleaners, retail assistants and chefs.
It's not going to work for most of us.
Poor Heather!
The words are coming out faster than she can think!
What a pity she was looking at Tik Toks before
and not at videos of cities all around the world,
where fitness instructors, teachers, doctors, cleaners, retail assistants and chefs
are all getting to work and around the city on bikes or trains or trams or buses!
And how odd she has not seen a fitness instructor on a bike.
The words are still coming out faster than she can think!
Heather types into her computer
At the moment 1.7 million people live in Auckland.
It won't stay that way.
At some stage there will be 2 million and then there will be 3 million and then who knows.
The next mayor of Auckland should be building a city for future growth, not stealing ideas from the 1970s.
Poor Heather!
She is giving herself her own Gotcha!
Heather is trying to say that Mr Efeso Collins who wants to get people out of cars should not be Mayor of Auckland because he is stealing ideas from the 1970s.
But the 1970s was when they were adding more and more cars
and making Auckland city enormous,
so that everybody had to get a car to be able to go anywhere.
And now we have a terrible climate crisis problem.
But we also have a solution!
And that is to use other ways of getting around!
And in places where people like Heather don't get taken at all seriously,
that is exactly what is happening.
Because even though Heather thinks nobody can ever change the way they live their lives,
people really can if you give them half a chance.
Maybe it is even not too late for Heather.
