Collins Unveils Very Special Frigate
Judith Collins today announced a bold plan to address the navy’s billion dollar headaches.
We’re so short of sailors that we’ve had to tie up half the fleet, and as if that wasn’t enough, our allies have been heavying us to upgrade the boats. Well, that would be nice if we had a spare ten or fifteen billion, but we only have that sort of money for roads.
I don’t mind telling you this has called for a bit of lateral thinking, but I’m pleased to say we’ve come up with the ideal solution.
We realised that we can meet our obligations if we just make the fleet enormously appealing to Donald Trump.
So we’re refitting Te Kaha as a floating golf course, with a replica Mar-a-Lago on the middle deck and an Epstein Island on the bottom.
Credit where it’s due, this was Phil Goff’s idea. He said the more time President Trump spends on Te Kaha, the less he can be making life miserable for everyone else. And we think once he’s seen the Very Special Frigate he’ll be happy to take care of any hiring requirements.
Ms Collins added that Te Mana will be redeployed as a drug surveillance vessel and will be tasked with intercepting and confiscating industrial quantities of Ketamine, and delivering them to whatever location Co-President Musk might specify.
Peters Unveils Very Special Ferry Visit
Winston Peters today announced that a deal had been struck with the previously-spurned South Korean ferry-builders, thanks to shuttle diplomacy by Phil Goff.
