Order of Ceremony for the Jacinda Ardern Show Trial and Ritual Humiliation
Ms HDPB-Allen will rise to say:
I want to hear you apologise for showing empathy during a crisis.
She may, if she chooses, add:
This made me feel very uncomfortable.
Mr M Hosking, wearing Armani and looking as though he has been pulled backwards through a hedge, will address the accused without rising, saying:
Mate, I want to hear you apologise for making an astonishing hash of your job.
He will not be asked to square this with data showing the country got off lighter than almost any other.
Mr Ryan Bridge with his feet up on a desk, will shout from the back:
Yeah, and I want to hear you apologise for quoting all those scientists and making me have to keep Googling shit.
