It is getting-up time at Christopherās place!
Christopher knows it is getting-up time because Zorro the cat is jumping up and down on his face.
This is Zorroās way of telling him,
Let me out right now but first of all fill up my bowl loser and none of that cheap shit either you tight bastard.
Poor Christopher!
Now Zorro is eating.
Christopher can have a shower and finish waking up!
Christopher is singing in the shower.
His favourite songs are:
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by Bachman Turner Overdrive,
You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by BTO,
and the big 1970s hit You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet.
This morning he has chosen You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet by Canadian rockers the BTO.
Christopher is singing bbbbbbbbb baby you just ain't seen nothin yet.
He is also trying to have an idea.
Last night he was reading Seven Habits of Highly Successful Politicians.
The book said,
A highly successful politician has a fresh idea every time he takes a shower.
It made Christopher feel a bit glum.
The only idea he ever has is
We should cut prices
Or
We should cut services
Or
We should cut taxes
Or
We should find something to cut
Christopher wishes he could have a different idea.
Look!
Christopher has jumped out of the shower!
Christopher is hurrying down the stairs!
Christopher is so excited he has forgotten he still has his shower cap on!
What has made him so excited?
He has had an idea!
He is looking for a pen to write it down!
Zorro is tripping him up while he looks for one.
Naughty Zorro!
Christopher is already forgetting the idea!
Will he find a pen in time?
Christopher is writing down his idea
It says,
A subsidy is corporate welfare.
What does it mean?
He already can't remember!
But he is excited to say it!
Christopher is having a press conference!
He is still wearing his shower cap!
Jason the Reporter says,
What's that on your head, Chief? It's not a shower cap is it?
Christopher says,
It's not a shower cap, it's a thinking cap.
What this country needs is a CEO man with his thinking cap on.
So anyway hereās what Iāve been thinking:
A subsidy is corporate welfare.
Thomas the Reporter asks:
What's this in relation to?
Christopher does not say,
I don't know really I was just being Randy Bachman and my shampoo bottle was being the microphone and it drifted into my head.
Instead he looks for the answer on the list of Questions and Answers his friends Nicky and Chris have written down for him.
The list says:
Question: What's this in relation to?
Answer: We have a very good system called the ETS scheme.
Question: And?
Answer: You know. Market signals, dumbarse.
Question: So are you saying market signals will yield significant carbon reductions even though they haven't so far?
Answer: Yes
Christopher says,
We have a very good system called the ETS scheme.
Thomas the Reporter says,
And?
Christopher says,
You know. Market signals.
Thomas the Reporter says:
So are you saying market signals will yield significant carbon reductions even though they haven't so far?
Christopher says,
Yes.
Thomas the Reporter asks,
Why?
Oh no! This is not a question on the list!
Christopher will need a jargon platitude!
Does Christopher have a jargon platitude!
Yes!
Christopher always has one of those!
Christopher says,
Because I back New Zealand corporates to back themselves going forwards doing the hard yards and being fast followers of low hanging fruit and responding to the dynamic of market forces.
Do any of the reporters say,
Is this not blind faith in the mechanistic,
just waiting for something to happen?
No, they do not!
But what if they do?
Is Christopher worried?
No!
He knows the answer to this one!
He will say,
Just waiting for something to happen is all good,
that's how you make money out of houses.
I have like seven or nineteen of them
and I just waited for something to happen and it totally did!
They are all making money without me doing anything at all!
And if he wants to show them his refreshingly human touch he will also say:
I didn't even have to put my thinking cap on!
